Essay feedback from Mr.Paterson (Feb.17th)
In today's class, I received some advice from the teacher and fixed my essay. Mr.Paterson said to create a more detailed title that I was not expecting. I thought that the title should not be too in-depth so that the reader will be hooked and want to read more. However, being told that this is not a mystery novel and a formal academic essay, I changed the title to something a little more in detail and kind of similar to my thesis statement. Another thing that was really interesting was that I could use personal pronouns if I were to use personal experience. I tried to avoid personal pronouns but did not know what to do since I was using my own experience as a source of information. However, as the teacher read through my essay, he told me that this is an exception and I can use my personal pronouns since I was my own source. There are quite a few times that I want to use my own experience as a source so it was really nice to hear that I can from a teacher. Mr.Paterson also pointed out that one of my reasons in the thesis statement was not logical and did not make any sense. He gave me another example using the same reasoning that I wrote and helped me realize that what I wrote did not make any sense so that was the first thing I made sure I fixed.
The teacher gave me quite a few other comments, but the main advice was about the citations. I used Zotero for my citations and bibliography but there were a few mistakes here and there. One of my intext citations was a "bad strawberry" and I learned that I should not completely rely on Zotero and let it do every single step of the citation. I have realized that even if there is a very convenient app like Zotero, I need to go back and double-check all the information inserted about the information source. Also, my works cited list was not in alphabetical order because I added in a few bibliographies towards the end which made it not in alphabetical order. Just like this, I need to make sure I think about the reader and check if every part of the essay is readable and understandable to the reader. Things like making the citation in alphabetical order are really important and I personally think it makes the essay look more organized.
Other Advice:
TGUISS, first time, write in full
having options to do something is not a reason (thesis statement)
summary signal (In summary)
Therefore, in conclusion,
not many aspects of- which is the important ones
The teacher gave me quite a few other comments, but the main advice was about the citations. I used Zotero for my citations and bibliography but there were a few mistakes here and there. One of my intext citations was a "bad strawberry" and I learned that I should not completely rely on Zotero and let it do every single step of the citation. I have realized that even if there is a very convenient app like Zotero, I need to go back and double-check all the information inserted about the information source. Also, my works cited list was not in alphabetical order because I added in a few bibliographies towards the end which made it not in alphabetical order. Just like this, I need to make sure I think about the reader and check if every part of the essay is readable and understandable to the reader. Things like making the citation in alphabetical order are really important and I personally think it makes the essay look more organized.
Other Advice:
TGUISS, first time, write in full
having options to do something is not a reason (thesis statement)
summary signal (In summary)
Therefore, in conclusion,
not many aspects of- which is the important ones
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